COLUMN SEVENTY-FIVE, SEPTEMBER 1, 2002
(Copyright © 2002 Al Aronowitz
ANOTHER DIRTY STORY
WARNING! FOR ADULTS ONLY! PERSONS UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS STORY.
We went to Penny's opening.
Everyone was there...Chuck, Jan, lot's of people I knew. I was getting toasted
on white wine and no food.. That was a fun time. Then we split to Candy's tittie
bar to watch the fight. She was sitting on my lap and we had tittie dancers all
over the place. Pierre disappeared for a while. I think he either got a lap
dance or a blowjob. Anyway, he was in love. So we are all having a blast. The
fight was excellent ... Then we leave the tittie bar, climb in my truck and
drive to Snoop Dog. That was a madhouse. I should have known it was going to be
"one of those nights" when we arrived to find a young Asian girl
passed out on the sidewalk.. They carted her off.
A tittie dancer came with
us. I don't remember her name. She was with Pierre.... We get inside which was
packed and I loose Candy and the rest of them. Candy was totally wasted. Snoop
Dog was pretty good for what he was, which is rap (of course). I couldn't
understand a word he was saying and he had some old black dude rapping with him.
It was his Uncle Joe.
Fortunately the old black
dude ran out of gas after couple of tunes and sat down. Very UN cool. Like Dylan
having his grandfather doing the funky chicken on stage while he is performing.
Uncle Joe got on my nerves. Didn't bother the kids though. It was a total
madhouse. Bill and I stuck together. We didn't even look for the others. Rap is
not my thing (of course).. Snoop looked pretty cool. He was smoking New York Times
sized spliffs. They were throwing CDs to the audience. One hit me on the
forehead and bounced into my hands LOL.
Some of his rapper posse
looked ridiculous. One guy had an open shirt and a huge beer gut... So anyway
the show is over and we are on the sidewalk and I am kinda blitzed from white
wine, scotch and martinis. Somehow Candy's tittie dancer friend gets caught by a
cop. He is giving her a drunk test. Walk the straight line etc..
Part Two..Ok Ok Here we go. Things are a bit clearer now that I spoke to Bill and put our stories together. We are on the sidewalk (the five of us) Me, Pierre, Bill, the tittie dancer, and Candy.
what got the best pussy. . .'
Candy and The Dancer are
kissing and making out. Pierre told Bill that he was up front leaning on the
stage with them and they were groping each other throughout the show. Snoop Dog
kept pointing to them. We are standing outside chatting (the girls are feeling
each other up) Then they go "Oh! look at the handsome cop" (big
mistake) and go over to talk to the guy. Next thing he is shining his light in
The Dancer's eyes and making her do the bunny hop or something.
Candy is arguing with the
guy. I suggest we take up strategic positions under a palm tree (in the shadows
and watch the proceedings) Pierre is totally toasted and wants to go over by the
cop and protest. As loaded as I am I know this is not a good idea. Minimum we
are going downtown with them ..... maximum he is going to shoot us... (this is
After about 45 minutes he
takes her away in the squad car. We think he is just going around the corner for
a honk job and let her go. If not why didn't her take Candy as well. She was
every bit as blitzed as her friend... More so..... The three of us are still
hiding out watching the drama unfold. I am trying to keep Pierre quite. He is
booming out that the cop can't take his Ho away. Evidently she had vacuumed his
billfold and he thinks he is going to get a piece of ass. Truth is he ain't
getting shit. He is already broke. He gave her a Benjamin to buy a thirty dollar
Snoop Dog tic and Ho that she is, she kept the change.
A tearful Candy wants to
know what we are going to do about her friend. I say "Nothing" and
begin to walk back to my house. She starts screaming and crying and wanders off
into the night. I am always glad to see her go but I know unfortunately she will
be back.... We walk to my place and Bill splits. Pierre and I are enjoying a
Newcastle Brown Ale when he looks outside and goes "Oppppps! there she
Sure Nuff, Candy Girl is
sitting on my porch. I new she wouldn't be gone for long. ... Boy this is a long
story.. OK. Fast forward about a half hour. Candy is screaming we abandoned her
buddy. Pierre is complaining he spent all his cash and the cop drove off with
his Ho. Candy starts slamming my front door. All of a sudden I loose it.
"You wanna slam doors
you psychotic cunt"?
I starts doing a Bruce Lee
on my front door. Trying to kick a hole in it. It was pretty strong. It only
cracked. Then I walk outside and punch out two lamppost globes on my property
cutting my knuckle. I start telling them both to leave me the fuck alone. Go
Home. I tell Candy we are finished. (Big Mistake) She picks up a beer bottle and
throws it at me. It misses and goes through a very expensive front window. Then
she storms off...Then she turns around and comes at me with murderous intent in
Frankly I am a bit scared.
Fortunately Pierre stops her, talks her down and asks her to go home. She walks
off. We sit down and open two more beers. I ask him to stay over. I beg him
actually because he is really ripped (I know I am) He won't have it. Says his
girlfriend will be pissed as it is. He splits and I go to sleep.
Haven't heard from Ma
Barker. I figure she will give it a few days then call and apologize like she
always does. File this story in the "drunken brawl" category.... This
is a long story and I am starving... Let me get some breakfast and I'll be
MORAL: I have a black buddy who always says, "It's them crazy bitches what got the best pussy" Amen brother. When it comes to blowjobs, she's like one of those snakes that can unhinge its jaw to swallow especially large prey.... ##
CLICK HERE TO GET TO INDEX OF COLUMN SEVENTY-FIVE
CLICK HERE TO GET TO INDEX OF COLUMNS
Blacklisted Journalist can be contacted at P.O.Box 964, Elizabeth, NJ 07208-0964
The Blacklisted Journalist's E-Mail Address:
THE BLACKLISTED JOURNALIST IS A SERVICE MARK OF AL ARONOWITZ