COLUMN 108, AUGUST 1, 2004
(Copyright © 2004 The Blacklisted Journalist)
WARNING! FOR ADULTS ONLY! PERSONS NOT YET 18 YEARS OF AGE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS STORY.
[Tsaurah Litzky is a poet and writer of fiction, non fiction and erotica. We call her America's queen of erotic literature. Susie Bright, editor of the yearly Best American Erotica books, calls her "Miss Dirty Stories." Tsaurah's work has appeared in Best American Erotica 95, 97, 99, 2001, 2002 and 2003. She has also been published in Penthouse, LONGSHOT, The Unbearables, Crimes of the Beats, Appearances, Downtown Poets, The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry, Pink Pages, Beet and many other books and periodicals. Her poetry books include Kamikaze Lover (Appearances 1999), Good Bye Beautiful Mother (Low Tech Press 2001) and Baby on the Water (Longshot, 2003). Formerly a columnist for the now defunct New York arts weekly Downtown, she now teaches erotic writing and literature at the New School University.
I woke up with a herd of
Republicans stampeding through my head, Watching the coverage of Reagan's
funeral on TV had driven me to despair and drink. I prefer to do my drinking to
celebrate, if only I had turned the TV off before I had knocked down a half
bottle of Scotch.
I had to take a hot and
cold shower and drink three cups of extra strong coffee before I could banish
those ponderous Republicans from my head. I wanted to replace their dark somber
suits with rainbow colors. My current writing project is a memoir of my life in
the seventies. I took three aspirins and finally summoned the discipline to
totter over to my computer. I was working on the chapter about my one nightstand
with the rock star who was so famous that for two years in a row---his unique
first name was the one most often chosen for newborn baby boys.
In my memoir, I call him Mr. Rocker but everyone will recognize him as
Cockney Craven, possessor of eleven gold records, often called in the tabloids, 'the Craven One."
I was just describing how
this famous rock icon with the triple Prince Albert couldn't come.
We had sucked up enough
blow to fly the Vienna Boys Choir to Amsterdam. I had orgasmed four times while
Cockney was plugging me, but he couldn't seem to let go. His member was now
bobbing and forlorn---despite its three gold rings. It was also softening and at half-mast, like the flags now hanging after Republican Reagan's timely
death. After all, he was in his
I crouched above The Craven
One, cradling his member in the palms of my hands, playing him with my fingers
like a flute, but to no avail,
'that's not going to
work," he said. "That's not going to do it. But do you have any
high, high heels??
"Yeah," I said, "I
have a pair of six inch heels; red suede pumps that buckle around the ankle."
'that's just the
ticket. Get them," he implored, "Get them and put them on straight away."
I fetched them from my
closet and sat on the edge of the bed to put them on. He was so eager; he helped
me, quickly doing the buckles up.
'this is what I want you
to do," he said. "Walk around in front of me, walk back and forth across the
I did as he asked but felt
self-conscious. I wondered if he would notice, seeing me standing up, how my ass
was too big for my body or how much smaller my left tit was than my right. I
need not have worried because he said:
"You're foxy, so foxy,
such a foxy lady. Turn around. Yes, yes, that 's right, jolly good. Now, put
your hands under your titties, shake "em, shake "em, rock and roll, turn
around and dance for me."
I started to get into it,
gyrating before him, thrusting my box in front of his face.
I was starting to work up a sweat when he said, "O.k., Gypsy Rose Lee,
come on over here. Take a look at this."
I paraded closer. His cock
had revived, now it was an upstanding soldier, saluting me proudly.
"Fantastic," I said.
"Knew you'd like it,?
he replied, "Now, lift your leg, and put the heel of your shoe in my mouth."
"In your mouth?
I asked, surprised. I had never been with anyone who wanted to suck on my
'that's right," he
said, "in my mouth! Fucking A!?
He grinned at me with the
charm that had captivated millions. He reached out and hooked a couple of his
wily fingers into my snatch, pulling me towards him. With his other hand he took
mine and wrapped it around his now stiff, bulging cock. As he moved his fingers
slowly in and out of me, I tried to pull them deeper into me, He had made me
eager and I wanted him to move faster, but he teased me, going even more slowly.
Soon Cockney had me writhing with pleasure, then he asked me again, "Put that
shoe in my mouth. What are you waiting for??
Now I was happy to oblige.
My yoga studies made it easy for me to swing my leg up high and an instant later
my shoe heel was between his lips. I jerked his member vigorously as he sucked
lustily at the heel of my shoe. Just as he was bringing me off for time number
five, he came, too. He sent a thick arc of creamy white jism shooting across the
room to land on top of my pink wicker laundry hamper. Then he hugged me, kissing
my face and the top of my head. I put my arms around him. We lay quietly for a
while holding each other.
"You're a game girl,?
he said. "I wish I could stay longer but I have to go to rehearsal for my gig
tonight at Fillmore East."
He got up and dressed, then
before he left, he showed me that fame had not spoiled him. He was a thoughtful
He got a sponge from the kitchen, and carefully wiped the dried come off my pink
wicker laundry hamper. I ended the chapter with the Craven One walking out the door as
I admired the sight of his tight ass in his black chino pants,
Actually his ass is still
tight after all these years. I recently saw him shimmy around in a music video
on TV. He has kept working, doing concerts all over the globe. In the tabloids
they still write about him, describing him as a living legend, the Peter Pan of
Rock and Roll.
I did see Cockney one more
time. I haven't yet decided if I will include our second meeting in my memoir.
It was right after Nixon had resigned. My first poem had gotten published in a
little magazine named Frazzle. One evening, I was sitting at my kitchen
table reading my poem over and over. I loved seeing it in print. The phone rang
and when I picked it up, Cockney was on the other end.
"How's the most
beautiful bird in New York? " he said,
"If you think I'm going
to fall for that line, you're right," I told him. He laughed and then he
said, "I'm glad I found you at home, lovey. Listen, I'm holed up at the St.
Regis. Recording session tomorrow. Why
don't you drop over this evening? We will have some bubbly and giggle over old
times. How about six p.m."?
I was delighted that he
invited me and I always wanted to see what the inside of a room at the St. Regis
"You're on," I told
'see you then," he
said. "Room 530, and remember, wear those beautiful shoes."
At ten of six, I turned off
Fifth Avenue onto Fifty-Fifth Street. The
purple and gold canopy of the St. Regis loomed just ahead. I tottered along on
my six-inch heels. I was wearing my favorite red sequin strapless mini-dress
under my fall trench coat. At the last minute, I had typed out a copy of the
poem that was in Frazzle and tucked it in my purse. I couldn't help
nursing the fantasy that if I showed it to Cockney, he would want to make it
into a song.
The lobby of the St. Regis had marble floors and so many mirrors it looked like my idea of the palace of Versailles. I looked at my reflection in the mirrors and made myself stand up straight. I pretended I was the beautiful crown princess of Spain coming to visit the prince of England.
Perhaps my royalty was not
obvious. The man at the front desk looked at me strangely and I wondered if he
thought I was a hooker,
Cockney answered my knock
"Right on time, you're
a feast for the eyes," he said, grabbing me up in a big hug.
He was wearing orange
leather pants, no shirt, and his feet were bare. I could hear his heart beating
like a happy drum.
"Come on inside, Luv,?
he said, and he led me into a sumptuous living room all done up in white and
"A friend just dropped
by," he said. ."I'd like you to meet him.
I could not believe my eyes
Reclining on the white satin sofa was the gender bending stud lovely of the rock
world, Ned Delicious. His bright red lipstick matched his jockstrap. He also had
on a Harley Davidson t-shirt that said More Then a Legend and combat
boots. He stood up courteously and extended a hand.
"Hope you don't mind
the casual attire," he said. The square mirror on the low marble topped table
in front of the couch was dusted with white powder. A long white straw lay on
top of it.
I was taken aback at this
surprising situation, but tried to stay calm. Was I being set up for a m?nage-a-trois"
The idea of a threesome had always been scary to me. It was not anything I ever
wanted to get into. Who would put what where? I didn't want two cocks inside
me at once. What a terrifying idea, it would rip me in two.
Cockney must have read my
"Don't be afraid," he
said, "We're just two blokes
too stoned to kipper, who are happy to have your company."
I probably didn't look
convinced because Ned chimed right in, "Really, even if I had the energy, I
never shag a person I've only just met. My friend here says you are as
sensible as you are fine. Come, sit down, do a line."
He pulled elegant silver
compact from somewhere inside his jock strap, opened it and shook a small mound
of white powder onto the mirror. As he was parting it into rows with the straw
he said, "Cockney tells me you just started to write poetry? Any luck with
When I told them about my
poem getting published, they wanted to see it. I was glad I had a copy with me.
They pronounced it marvelous, ahead of the curve. Ned asked me for it, he said
he wanted to send it to a friend of his who had a literary magazine. . . Then
"Let me give you a bit of
advice since you are just starting out."
I was honored he wanted to
"Please do, I said.
'the most important
thing," he continued, "is to keep on working. Discipline, always Disciple,
don't get distracted. Discipline, that's the ticket, learn when to say No to
yourself and never forget it."
He picked up the straw,
bent his head over the mirror and snorted up the first, long line. Soon we were
all three of us sitting on the sofa, drifting together through simultaneous
time. It seemed I had always been sitting there rubbing shoulders with my
illustrious friends. Ned took his compact out again and then again. We were
talking about the rumor that the queen mother was into S&M when I felt a
hand on my leg, right above my knee, just below where my dress ended mid thigh.
The hand belonged to Cockney and I looked over at him warily.
"I thought you were too
stoned," I said.
"Your beauty revived me,
love, and I just had to touch you when I observed the grace of our legs, the
fine line of your ankles in those alluring shoes drew me like a magnet. Leonardo
couldn't have drawn a more irresistible sight."
"I don't think Leonardo
drew pictures of high heel shoes," I said sharply.
"Please don't get
angry," he said, "I mean no harm. Your skin feels so nice, like satin.
The movement of his fingers
did feel good, generating waves of gentle heat down to my ankle and up my thigh.
I felt increased warmth between my legs; my little jam pot was heating up, no
sense denying it.
"It does feel nice," I
had to admit.
'that's a true poet,
"interjected Ned, 'tell it like it is."
Cockney's fingers were
now softly stroking my shin, moving downward. He circled my ankle with his other
"I can't stop myself
from touching you," he said. "Could you, oh, would you, please permit me to
kiss all the way down your leg, to remove those alluring shoes and worship your
glorious feet? Oh, please, please". I ask you with the utmost respect."
The most famous rock and
roller of my generation was actually begging me. How could I refuse?
'sure," I said.
I was wearing a pair of red
fishnet panty hose to go with my red dress and heels.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
He knelt at my feet and
lifted my leg, handling it gently as if it was fashioned from delicate
porcelain. He bent his head, started kissing at my knee, big warm kisses that
fanned the heat already steaming between my thighs, He moved his lips down the
center of my leg, tracing the line of my shinbone with his tongue, sending
delicious little shivers up into my cunt. My clit started to tingle merrily.
I was enjoying Cockney's
attentions so much I had almost forgotten Ned, but he suddenly exclaimed:
"Watching you two is such
a sight, you got me all excited."
We looked up. His
excitement was apparent. The top of his cock head was peering at us like a small
crescent moon, poking out above his jockstrap.
"I have a secret," he
said. "I just adore watching, sometimes, I think I adore watching more than
shagging. I'd be in ecstasy if I could just watch you two and wank myself.
Would that be all right? I?m
a very polite wanker. I don't spurt all over the place. I wank right into me
"Fine with me, mate,?
said Cockney "but how do you feel," he asked me. He placed his hand on the
inside of my leg, his famous fingers teasingly close to my now oh-so-juicy love
hole. What lovely guys, so thoughtful. I heard a bold, confident voice that I
didn't recognize as mine at all say:
"Go ahead, knock yourself
Ned Delicious pushed down
the cock strap and pulled out his fabled cock. It was medium sized and curved, a
strange bright yellow color like a banana. I didn't gaze at it long. Cockney
was distracting me, his nimble fingers had climbed up inside me, teasing,
pleasing me, while, having bent his head down again, he was sucking my toes. I
discovered that the nerves in my toes were connected right up to my clit, my
body was shaking in a lovely frenzy, approaching a colossal climax. Cockney's
other hand was inside his pants, gripping his fabulous tool, while Ned stood
above us wanking away. Our movements were amazingly syncopated. When we all came
exactly together, Cockney and I were gasping and moaning, while Ned threw his
head back and started to yodel.
Then Ned went into the
bathroom to wash his hand. When he came back, we sat together companionably on
"I love it, I like it,?
hummed Cockney "it's all rock
and roll, but wow, am I hungry. Want to go grab some chow??
I was famished.
"I'd love to," I
"Ditto," said Ned.
"I'm so hungry, I could eat the queen mother."
We dressed and took a cab
to the Oyster Bar where we feasted on oysters and champagne. The diners at the
other tables kept glancing over at us, perhaps wondering if they were really
seeing the two most famous rock and rollers in the world dining with a
mysterious woman in a red sequin dress.
Cockney phoned me before he
left the country to wish me the best. He urged me to continue writing and stay
disciplined. I never heard from him again. However, a few months after our Regis
romp, I got a letter from the editor of an avant-garde London magazine enclosing
a nice check. She wrote that Ned had showed her my poem and she wanted to
Thinking about Cockney and
Ned and those rock and roll times made me remember how freely we acted back
then. If I smiled at a man on the subway, he might get off at my stop, and
courteously invite me for coffee. Nowadays no one is smiling on the subway;
instead we sit reading newspaper accounts of torture and mythical WMD's. .
I felt angry and sad. I
didn't want to work on my memoir any more, so I got up to make some tea.
On my way to the kitchen, I flipped the radio on just in time to get the
news. The newscaster was talking about Ronald Regan's career, how many
American were lifted up by his economic policies. Right, I thought, and they
were mostly the rich. The newscaster stopped to read a special bulletin. Cockney
Craven was found dead, the newscaster announced, in his hotel room in Melbourne,
Australia while on tour. The cause of death was at this time unknown.
I am amazed! And just when I was thinking about Cockney! What a great guy! His music lifted up so many people, rich and poor combined. I decided to pour a liberal shot of scotch into my tea. Right now I didn't need discipline, I needed to celebrate Cockney and the lasting grace of rock and roll ##
FOR AS LONG AS PEOPLE KEEP LISTENING TO BOB DYLAN AND THE BEATLES, PEOPLE WILL WANT THIS BOOK
"A masterpiece!" --- SALLY GROSSMAN, widow of Bob Dylan's brilliant original manager, Albert Grossman.
"This book is a must-read for all rock 'n roll aficionados!"---EAR CANDY
"An essential reference for demystifying what the author refers to as: 'one of the most self-destructive binges of creativity in cultural history.'"---HAMMOND GUTHRIE, COUNTERPUNCH MAGAZINE
"Required Reading for anyone and everyone who considers themselves fans, followers, students, or those just plain curious of the Golden Age of Popular Music"---GARY PIG GOLD, FUFKIN.COM.
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". . .perfect for our times."---WOODSTOCK TIMES
Duritz (he's the lead singer and writer for the famed
". . .a must read for anyone who loves, music, loves life, loves rock and roll."---TSAURAH LITZKY, author of The Motion of the Ocean, Baby on the Water, and Goodbye Beautiful Mother.
"I recommend it."---DOUGLAS HOLDER, IBBETSON STREET PRESS.
. .It is a fasinating, insightful read. You are such a wonderful
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could not put this book of yours down for a minute."---ED GALING, POET
LAUREATE OF HATBORO, PA.
IN THIS 615-PAGE PAPERBACK, AL ARONOWITZ, ACCLAIMED AS THE "GODFATHER OF ROCK JOURNALISM," TELLS YOU MORE ABOUT BOB DYLAN AND THE BEATLES THAN ANY OTHER WRITER CAN TELL YOU BECAUSE NO OTHER WRITER WAS THERE AT THE TIME. AS THE MAN WHO INTRODUCED ALLEN GINSBERG TO BOB DYLAN, BOB DYLAN TO THE BEATLES AND THE BEATLES TO MARIJUANA, ARONOWITZ BOASTS, "THE '60S WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT ME."
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